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Circus Guinea Pigs
in Frankfort, Kentucky


The Richmond Register recently reported a new circus act in Kentucky. But this one is made up of guinea pigs. Various witnesses have claimed that they are settled just outside the city on Devils Hollow Road and believed to have come via railroad.

One angry citizen believes that they originated from Louisville. "Lord knows what kind of freakish pets and cruel laboratories they have in that backwards town," exclaimed Doris Medford.

But others believe that these pigs are all natural and are happy to boast the state's capitol as the producers of these talented furry friends. Some U. of Kentuky students say they saw the critters breeding in this tulip field.

As for the show, no evidence of a fee has been found, meaning that these rodents are supposedly in it for the fun. Yards surrounding the area have reported tiny hoops that show evidence of being lit on fire as well as brown, rice-sized droppings. Along them, round dropping were also found suggesting the presence of rabbits. This would corroborate the rumers of bunny herds accross the state.

A local detective stated "It is very plausible that rabbits were/are involved. We don't know how many, what breed, sex or the time of day that this is going on because none of the reports seem to match up. Plus, we don't know who these animals belong to, so we are also looking into criminal activity, checking out local pet stores to see if there had been any break-ins."

Frankfortian Jack Crawfert reported tiny garments resembling those worn by circus elephants. Many believe the guinea pigs are using tortoises in their act. "People don't give nearly enough credit to these creatures' mental capacity," says a professor at the University of Kentucky, "I wouldn't doubt for a second that they could train reptiles."

But others are not so sure, like Barnum and Bailey veteran Josh Dickford."Who are these clowns?! No pun indended. The idea is just absurd. There is no way that these animals could do flips the way people said they do. Their skeletal system just won't allow it." The Mayor echoed this belief and claimed that the animals could not survive the climate.

This outright hierarchical refusal to believe has caused many citizens to lash back, and could cost the mayor the next election. Joan Doyle told our reporter "I thought it was silly before, but now I really believe."