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Employment Prospects Bleak
for Silhouettes Failing to Make
Cut for iPod Commercials

Pictured above are Bob and Larry, two silhouettes that simply were not hip enough to make one of those cool iPod commercials where shadows dance to hip urban music from the likes of U2 and Eminem. 

LOS ANGELES, CA - Bob is a down-on-his-luck silhouette that was invited back for six takes of those cool i-Pod commercials, featuring black silhouettes dancing to trendy rap music while holding white i-Pods, Apple Computer's phenomenally cool handheld digital music players that are all the rage right now. 

"I guess I wasn't simply urban enough," fretted Bob, a real-life silhouette, who seems to serve no other purpose now than drag-assing around the local unemployment office looking for work.  "What the hell else can I do? I am a freaking shadow."

He is not alone in his plight.  Larry is another lame silhouette who can't dance, can't even do a square dance and didn't even make the first cut for the popular commercials.  He, too, is miffed and a little despondent over his suddenly bleak employment outlook.

"I was told I really, really suck," he explained to  "I guess it because, like Bob, I am not down with the hip hop scene and can't break dance.... Now what the hell am I going to do?  The opportunities for silhouettes are limited."

Larry and Bob have become drinking buddies and they don't see their employment prospects turning around any time soon.  Both posted resumes on to no avail.  They don't even get any fraud-related work-at-home opportunities that many receive upon registering with the popular job seeking site. 

They have contemplated turning to crime but cried out to us for help.

"I am not saying anybody owes us anything," Larry, the silhouette said, "but I could be robbing liquor stores to get by....   How could you catch a freaking shadow?  That might be the real ticket.  Maybe I should start..."

Bob agreed.  "We could turn loose and then all the shitheads who laughed at our 'white bread' dancing will be sorry!" took their threats of violence seriously, but it appears the police do not.

"The silhouettes are all talk and no substance," said Lt. Detective Russ Blackburn, LAPD.  "Plus, it appears anything they put into their hands turns up in white on the camera... weird!  This will make it especially easy to find them if they do commit a crime.  But, we don't think that will happen...  These idiots can't even dance with i-Pods without tripping over each other and looking like fools."

On a more positive note, the out-of-work silhouettes plan to form a support group with another disenfranchised group of losers, who describe themselves as "blue guys not quite blue enough" to make the grade as Pentium Processors. Together they hope to draw attention to their plight as freaks, but so far they have had little luck.

"It is sad, but once people upgrade, we become yesterday's news," said a blue weirdo who once served as a double on a blue Pentium chip commercial.  "I feel for the silhouettes."

He went on to say that the recent Mac versus PC commercials using real people to embody computers could be their death knell.  

"When they got a fat guy acting like a PC, well I know the writing is on the wall," Larry said.  "Oh, well, I guess it is time to go the way of the horse and buggy."

(Happens to us all.)