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Billionaire Balloonist
Copyrights the Letter ā€œCā€

billionaire

In a startling example of rich people doing whatever the hell they want, CoverUps.com has learned that billionaire balloonist Wesley C. Mooney, left, has bought the rights to the letter “c.”

NEW HAVEN, Conn. – CoverUps.com has learned that billionaire balloonist Wesley C. Mooney has just bought all rights to the letter “c.” Apparently, nobody knew you could buy the rights to a letter of the English alphabet, until Mooney came along and paid an undisclosed amount to the letter's undisclosed previous owner. Now, anytime the letter “c” is used in any manner whatsoever, a royalty will have to be paid to Mooney.

“This really suks,” an outraged English Professor was heard to say when he learned of Mooney's acquisition.

“I bought the letter ‘c’ because I really, really enjoy being stinking rich – and I thought what better way to extend my vast fortune than by buying up letters of the alphabet,” Mooney said during an exclusive CoverUps.com interview.

Wesley C. Mooney took off in his hot air balloon after he recently bought the letter “c” for an undisclosed price. Nobody knows who the original owner was or who might own the rights to the rest of the alphabet. Al Gore is rumored to have claimed credit for at least half of it. Some speculate that aliens from outer space may actually own it. Presidential candidate Nangork was unavailable for comment.

Others in the English world of academia are appalled that someone could just waltz in and buy a letter of the American alphabet.

Bernard C. Longfellow is a professor of English at Harvard. He's miffed that the letter “c” has fallen into Mooney's money-grubbing hands. Whenever he spells his own name now, he will be legally obligated to fork over a yet-to-be-determined royalty to Wesley C. Mooney Enterprises.

“My great, great grandfather was a professor of English in England,” he said, shaking his fist. “What he wouldn't do today with his pen and quill to this detestable fellow. ”

We asked Bill Gates, another super-duper rich guy, what he thought of a letter falling into the hands of a private owner. After all, there's a “c” in Microsoft.

“Well, at least it's only a consonant,” Gates said. “That means I can gather up some investors for the vowels. Now that's big bucks. I just might buy the letter “i” and really stick it to Apple.”

Billionaire Balloonist

Just for fun, billionaire balloonist Mooney makes a miniature balloon rise from the heat of his cigar, which he lights with a c-note.

Predictably, Mooney invoiced CoverUps for all the “c's” in this article. We referred him to our legal department – which advised us to send Mooney a brief written message:

“Fuk off.”

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