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New Energy Source Revealed

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Scientists have found a new energy source that's not only clean and green, but delicious.

NORMAN, OK - In the rush to ween ourselves off petroleum and other non-renewable resources, scientists are rumored to have stumbled upon what seems to be a miracle fuel. Where nuclear power poses the problem of dangerous byproducts as well as safety hazards, this new source has it beat. It avoids the diverted river and water pollution problem posed by dams. It's even more reliable and efficient than solar and wind energies.

"I can't believe no one thought of this sooner. It just kind of hit us when our department made the announcement earlier this month," said Tom Tourke in the latest issue of Scientific American.

The scientists from the University of Oklahoma discovered that Twinkies can actually supply not only the energy for your home but also automobiles.

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Might we now finally get to say goodbye to our reliance on oil? Is the derrick pictured above on its way to becoming a relic in the next ten years?

"It makes perfect sense, those things last forever, you don't find anything else that special in the grocery store. It should have been a red flag to what amazing things the cream filled blobs can do," said the Alternative Energy Sources department head Warren DeGroot.

The specifics of the conversion process are not yet released, and the US government hasn't approved the Twinkie as a viable source of energy yet. The university has complained about authorities dragging their feet and not really taking their findings seriously. Their work has also not been reported in any major newspapers.

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Many suspect that other industries are being protected. Some say that millions of workers could be put out of work because of the Twinkie. Industrial researchers are now rumoured to be considering the capabilities of Ding Dongs and HoHos.

"The oil industry lobby is stonewalling, I know it," said Degroot's assistant, Karie Wellings, to CoverUps.com.

But unbeknownst to her, behind the unprincipled schemers of Big Oil lies the even more sinister spectre of Hostess snack cakes.

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