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BigFoot Joins Minute Men Civil Defense Corps to Catch Border-Jumping Chupacabra

Here a BigFoot, Seamus, who recently overcame an addiction to Lamisil foot cream is contributing to the Nation by offering to patrol the southern border of the U.S. and preventing the Chupacabra, a Latin American mythological beast that kills goats, from illegally crossing the Rio Grande.

LAREDO, Texas - A BigFoot from the Seattle area is back in the headlines, but this time for helping his country, versus terrorizing it's backwoods.  Yes, Seamus, a BigFoot from the Pacific Northwest, who recently completed treatment for an addiction to Lamisil foot medication, has applied to join the Minute Men Civil Defense Corps (MMCDC). MMCDC is a grass roots organization whose mission is to secure the border from illegal border-jumpers from Mexico, since the Government seems slow to do so.   

"We are delighted that North American mythological beasts are now helping secure the borders," said Wayne Morris, a man who sounds just like John Wayne and is a member of the Minute Men Civil Defense Corps.  "BigFoot is really strong and fast.  It will be amazing to see the look on the faces of border-jumpers as they are being chased by a real BigFoot." 

Purportedly, Seamus wants to bag a Chupacabra (a Latino-based mythological beast that kills goats and other farm animals) and prevent it from crossing illegally into the U.S and gaining myth status.   

BigFoot's role will not only be to catch the Chupacabra, but other illegal border-jumpers as well. 

A paw print believed to belong to the goat-killing Chupacabra, a mythological Latino beast that many believe is crossing the Mexican-U.S. border illegally to kill goats and other farm animals. This print was found outside Dallas, Texas.

BigFoot claims he is merely trying to protect his status as a legitimate North American myth and wants to keep the Chupacabra out.  Already, dead goats are showing up everywhere in the southwestern parts of the United States and many believe it is the work of the Chupacabra.   

"Why should the Chupacabra come here and be awarded status as a U.S. myth too?" BigFoot reportedly said recently.  "I worked my hairy ass off to get where I am....  Now the Chupacabra comes along and wants to steal my glory as a myth.  I will eat the Chupacabra for lunch....I will put my size-26 down on his little goat-eating head." 

BigFoot says granting the Chupacabra status as a North American myth is not fair to other creatures that are pursing U.S. myth cards legally. 

"The Loch Ness monster has filed all the necessary papers to relocate to the Great Lakes legally," BigFoot said.  "Nessie can recite the Pledge of Allegiance and speaks fluent English, too, and wants to make America a better place.  He is ready to legitimately baffle and bewilder North American citizens in the Great Lakes region. To let the Chupacabra in the country would be an affront to Ness."  

When told of BigFoot's efforts, Loch Ness Monster replied, "Doesn't surprise me one bit, his feet aren't the only thing that are big -- his ideas are, too!"