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Bush and Cheney Plan Third
Presidential Term in 2008

Members of the Congress let out an audible gasp when President Bush revealed that he and Vice President Dick Cheney would run for a third term in office.

WASHINGTON D.C. – President George W. Bush stunned Congress, the nation and the world this past week by concluding what was supposed to be his last State-of-the-Union address by announcing that he and Vice President Dick Cheney would seek a third term in the White House.

“In conclusion, we will fight hard but fair against the Democrats,” Bush said. “As an additional show of good will, I personally pledge not to use any of the 10,000 nuclear weapons in the U.S. stockpile against the winner of the Democratic primary*, although I might lob in a Daisy Cutter or two, just to keep the opposition on its toes. The State of the Union is sound. Thank you, and God Bless America.”

In an exclusive interview with CoverUps, Bush apologized to his Republican supporters for the timing of the announcement.

Bush and Cheney in Stretch Limo One, parked at an undisclosed location. Bush is on the left.

“I know some of those guys have run up quite a tab going for the 2008 nomination. What do you say, Dick – you think we can siphon off some of that Iraqian oil revenue to cover them?”

“We’ll look into it, Mr. President,” said Cheney, his voice muffled inside a black helmet, which he wears for security reasons.

Told that members of the White House press corps were apoplectic over the announcement, Bush smiled mischievously.

“What did Helen say?” he asked. “Was she ticked off?”

Informed that Helen Thomas had screamed something about a third term being unconstitutional and then keeled over from a stroke, Bush glanced at Cheney.

Paramedics struggle to revive venerable White House journalist Helen Thomas after she heard about the Bush-Cheney 2008 campaign and keeled over from a stroke.

“Is that true Dick? Does the constitution really say we can only serve two terms?”

“Twenty-second amendment, Mr. President. I’m afraid so.”

“But didn’t Dad serve three terms in the Awful Orifice?”

“I think you mean the Oval Office.”

“That’s what I said. Dad served three terms right?”

“The first two he served as President Reagan’s VP. They don’t count.”

“So Helen’s right. It is unconstitutional.”

“Technically speaking, yes, Mr. President.”

Chief White House correspondent Dick Gregory’s head explodes on a Sunday-morning talk show when the discussion turns to a third Bush-Cheney term. Gregory was rushed to Liberal Media Medical Center for an emergency head transplant. Doctors say he is recovering and is in fair condition. “He should be grandstanding on national television again in no time,” an NBC spokesman said.

After a moment of somber reflection, The President’s face brightened.

“Wait a second Dick! I signed Campaign Finance Reform into law – and that was as unconstitutional as the day is long! Even I know that. It violated the first commandment!”

“Amendment, sir.”

“That’s what I said. So why can’t we just– I mean who says I have to follow the ... you know ... “

“Follow the constitution Mr. President?”

“Well yeah, Dick. I mean what’s the harm, just this once, if we ...”

At this point, the Vice President turned to your humble scribe and asked that the preceding exchange be stricken from the record.

Asked why he and Cheney were seeking a third term, President Bush cited concerns that his successor would bungle Social Security Reform and/or Operation Enduring Freedom in Iraqistan. Bush was particularly concerned about the return of the Clintons to the White House.

“You should've seen the mess they left there at the end of Bubba's second term,” he grimaced.

In addition to finding several suspicious carpet stains, Bush recalled the missing “w” keys his team discovered on the keyboards of all the White House computers.

“As someone with private sector experience I can tell you first-hand how unefficient government can be,” Bush said. “I’ve been the Numero Uno Kahuna for almost eight years now and they still haven’t replaced the “w” key on my computer.”

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President Bush’s computer keyboard.

Bush said the missing key had a major impact on his administration. Because of it, the letter “w” could never appear in any White House correspondence.

“It made fighting the War on Terror much harder,” Bush grumbled. “Why, I couldn’t even sign my full name. It sure will be nice to get back to Craford Texas after our third term so I can start using ol’ “w” again. Upper and lower-case. It’s been a long time, you know. I kinda miss the little feller.”

Bush put on a brave face when it was pointed out to him that his approval numbers (in the low 30s) and those of his running mate (in the mid 20s) would mean an uphill fight for the nomination, even putting the constitutionality issue aside.

“You gotta look at this thing in the right way,” said Harvard Business School’s most famous alumnus. “You add Dick’s approval numbers to mine and you’re up over 50%. I think we’ll do just fine. I trust the American people.”

* The Vice President has refused to endorse this pledge.

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